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The Magic Restaurant

So, I have been in this service industry for about six or seven years now. From my experience I have heard tales of an amazing restaurant from dissatisfied guests. It is an establishment where you can walk in with twenty or more people on a Saturday night and be seated immediately, greeted with a mind-reading server within thirty seconds that already has your drink order, which is on special, but you don’t like coconut, so it’s replaced with a full shot of top-shelf vodka. You are also welcomed with chips and salsa, baskets of bread and a plentiful array of dipping sauces complimentary. The entire menu is just pictures and, when you order, you only have to point. The talented server knows what sides you want, that you don’t eat bacon, that you are allergic to tomatoes and that you don’t like shrimp. Apparently, this place will automatically substitute shrimp for a New York Strip, free of charge, and your meal comes out almost as soon as the server takes the order and, in most cases, before they leave the table. They can actually quote how long the food will take without even visiting the kitchen and down to the second I might add. They are never wrong even though the customer is always right, no matter what. When the food does come out, the food runner magically knows who had what and fits everything on one tray. Matter of fact, you can continue your conversation and never speak up to claim your food as it hovers across the table to its destination so no one ever has to reach over you. Your well-done steak isn’t burnt and you get giant bowls of Honey Mustard and Ranch just for showing up. Every meal is two for $20, to-go orders are ready when you get there and are always fresh, at the right temperature and stay that way until you get home. At the bar light ice means more alcohol, yelling at the bartender and slapping the bar gets you immediate service. Checking ID’s, yeah, that’s a thing of the past at this particular place. All beer, wine and liquor are the same, cheap price despite different qualities and quantities. They have every type of alcohol you’ve ever had before and the bartender knows every drink ever made, made up, dreamt up or thought of, ever. If that isn’t what you want, then the bartender will make something up on the spot and it will be everything you ever wanted or they will give your money back plus another drink on the house, you know, for the inconvenience. Also, everyone who works there doesn’t have any bills or a life outside of the business so there isn’t a need for a T.I.P. Matter of fact, if you just tell them that they did a good job, their whole existence obtains meaning. They are always happy to see you and it never feels like your first time.


Has anyone else heard of this place, and, if so, do you know where it is?

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