The Past Months

I feel as if I could speak volumes and be ignored. If I could rattle mountain ranges with calm voice, I would scream and still go unheard. I’m trapped in a living nightmare of negativity and void of savory outcomes. My reality lately is simply of no control, it’s like silently fine-tuned rejection. I have no ripple of persuasion, no utterance of opinion. All I have is drive, but no direction. I’m oscillating and full-throttle, stuck in neutral and backing down an ever-steepening hill. I feel that I am able to simply lift all this nonsense over my head but my feet haven’t any grip. I’m slowly sinking and I am losing composure. I feel pressure when there is none. My fickle grasp of this thing called reality is slipping from my sight and life is decreasing in ease. I’m told stories about how this is just how it is, however this change has occurred in rapid succession as of recent. I can not seem to find any release. There is no relief, it just keeps coming like swimming in choppy water. I can’t breath and every where I turn I am failing. I just need silence but all I get is deafening static. White noise. I am all set to check out, to give up, and just. let. go. Words, spoken with wisdom. Words spoken in ease. Words that are taken in naturally but applied in struggling hardship. Sometimes fighting the tide will present even the most experienced swimmer with peril. Maybe it’s time to just float along. There’s no point in fighting the tides. They are ever changing. This is fact, but this acceptance is absurd! I was on the up, I was pushing. I was fighting. I was winning. For the first time in years, everything was falling into place. I was motivated, in the right direction, and looking to a future designed by no other than myself. I find this situation ridiculous. Hit after hit is getting old and making me numb. I don’t even feel down anymore, I’m beyond it. I feel alone, deserted as the world turns it’s back. I struggle to wake for even my deepest nightmares portray a small measure of control. Now it’s time to encase myself in a layer of fake disposition. Farewell, as I take a leave of absence, wake me when there’s a reason...