I feel as if I could speak volumes and be ignored. If I could rattle mountain ranges with calm voice, I would scream and still go unheard. I’m trapped in a living nightmare of negativity and void of savory outcomes. My reality lately is simply of no control, it’s like silently fine-tuned rejection. I have no ripple of persuasion, no utterance of opinion. All I have is drive, but no direction. I’m oscillating and full-throttle, stuck in neutral and backing down an ever-steepening hill. I feel that I am able to simply lift all this nonsense over my head but my feet haven’t any grip. I’m slowly sinking and I am losing composure. I feel pressure when there is none. My fickle grasp of this thing called reality is slipping from my sight and life is decreasing in ease. I’m told stories about how this is just how it is, however this change has occurred in rapid succession as of recent. I can not seem to find any release. There is no relief, it just keeps coming like swimming in choppy water. I can’t breath and every where I turn I am failing. I just need silence but all I get is deafening static. White noise. I am all set to check out, to give up, and just. let. go. Words, spoken with wisdom. Words spoken in ease. Words that are taken in naturally but applied in struggling hardship. Sometimes fighting the tide will present even the most experienced swimmer with peril. Maybe it’s time to just float along. There’s no point in fighting the tides. They are ever changing. This is fact, but this acceptance is absurd! I was on the up, I was pushing. I was fighting. I was winning. For the first time in years, everything was falling into place. I was motivated, in the right direction, and looking to a future designed by no other than myself. I find this situation ridiculous. Hit after hit is getting old and making me numb. I don’t even feel down anymore, I’m beyond it. I feel alone, deserted as the world turns it’s back. I struggle to wake for even my deepest nightmares portray a small measure of control. Now it’s time to encase myself in a layer of fake disposition. Farewell, as I take a leave of absence, wake me when there’s a reason...
Hey there. Sorry I am terrible at keeping up with writing in general. Maybe, uh, if more people subscribed to communicate they want to read this material I would be more motivated? But, who am I kidding? I'd just frustrate you more, maybe? Anyway, I'm back because I need to get out my Turkey Day woes of this year. So, here it goes: I wanted to recount the events that took place as I attempted to cook Thanksgiving dinner for myself as I hit a lot of the benchmarks one experiences as the earn their Turkey Day Stripes. I battled a hangover, underestimated prep, did not thaw my turkey (3lb Breast) properly, and I had my first grease fire! Talk about a slew of chaos that didn't leave my hunger satisfied until 10pm as I ate all my side dishes one by one during our family zoom meeting as they finished cooking at staggering times. So, let me start with the fact that I have been recently health-motivated as my doctor and I got into a conversation that I will loosely paraphrase lik...
You can't win at everything. The problem with direction is its often away from all else. Pick one thing, even its a random choice from a list, and make it right. Work on that one thing until you get that.
ReplyDelete"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill
ReplyDelete"Whether you think you can, or can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford
This is a little late, but for next time...Don't give up...
ReplyDeletePress on: nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
-Calvin Coolidge
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill (the man suffered clinical depression, was a great public speaker, rallied his troops to victory)
Don't give up.